A Lil' Bit of La Rue

For your edification, here is an excerpt from LA RUE'S RETURN or HOW'S A BAYOU? a melodrama written by Edward Thorpe and myself that has played in various theaters across the US of A

LA RUE'S RETURN tells the tale of a rotten to the core French criminal who returns to New Oreleans' French Quarter to exact revenge against a sweet Southern belle who sent his sorry self to prison. Standing in the villain's path are a brave, yet rather dim-witted US Cavalry officer, the loyal friends of the belle and a wacked witch from the swamp.

In this scene, Ike the bartender, Mimi the maid and Lazlo the layabout prepare for Jacques La Rue's imminent return to the Chez What bistro. When he does, he impersonates the bartender in order to fool Lt. Alan Wexstad which isn't hard to do.



Original cast of LA RUE'S RETURN-Palace Showboat Theater at Pollardville


MIMI: You don’t think he would come back, do you?
IKE: He might.
MIMI: No!
IKE/LAZLO: Yes!
IKE: Just to be on the safe side, we’d better lock up everything of value. He’ll take every red cent. (To LAZLO) Speakin’ of scents, why don’t you take bath?
LAZLO: What-and spoil my earthy charm?
IKE: (Grabbing cash register) C’mon, Mimi.
MIMI: Oui, oui.
IKE: Yeah, you can do that on the way.
IKE and MIMI EXIT through kitchen door.
LAZLO: Now for some serious drinking! (Grabs bottle from behind bar and raises it to his lips as IKE ENTERS, grabs bottle, and re-EXITS) Rats! (Grabs spittoon) Nah!
LAZLO then grabs the bar rag, wrings it out in a glass, and prepares to drink it. JACQUES LA RUE peers over the saloon doors and watches LAZLO.
LA RUE: Hey! (LAZLO spills drink) Hey! Free whisky at the stable!
LAZLO: Free whisky? Where’d I hide my bucket? (EXITS out saloon doors)
LA RUE: (ENTERS) Works every time. Oh, Jacques La Rue, you are such a nasty guy. (Sings to the tune of “I Got Rhythm”)
“I’m so nasty’
I’m so nasty
I’m so nasty
Who could ask for anysing more?” (Laughs)
What a showstopper! Well, Lafayette, I am here! (Looks about) How lovely it is to be back in this dump... (Looks out window) …That still overlooks the dump. It is to gag. (Gags and pours himself a drink at bar) I see that Polly still has our favorite, Chartrise ’72. Come to papa. (Drinks) Vinegar! I have just drunk the vinegar! Patooie! Not bad… (Spots portrait of COL. MORTIMER) So, I see Polly still has you on the wall, you bumbling old fool. Maybe if you had been here before, I would not have been able to nearly take your daughter for all that she had. Some day Colonel Mortimer, you and I shall meet on the field of battle and you will see what Jacques La Rue is made out of. Someday, Colonel, someday, but you are not important right now because I have returned to settle my old score with that stool pigeon, Ack! (LA RUE’s pronunciation of IKE, rhymes with back) And I shall take my revenge, served up etouffe’, ce vous plait! (Drinks another glass of bad wine, then looks for some place to spit it out behind bar)

Proud playwright Edward Thorpe in Oceano, CA

LT. ALAN WEXSTAD opens saloon door with right hand.
ALAN: Greeting and salutations, Sir. (Salutes, freeing door to swing back and knock him back)
LA RUE: (Aside) Ack can wait. This may be good.
ALAN: (Re-enters, sidestepping door quickly) Greeting and salutations, Sir. (Salutes again)
LA RUE: I am sorry. The cub scouts are not meeting here tonight.
ALAN: Is this not the establishment of Polly Montclair, daughter of the late Colonel Montclair?
LA RUE: (Aside) The late colonel, Hmmm… (To ALAN) The late colonel’s daughter is not here at the present time
ALAN: Oh, gosh darn it all to heck. Oh, pardon my French.
LA RUE: That was French?
ALAN: Forgive me. You see, I have travelled a very long way. And you are…?
LA RUE: Ah, Miss Polly has left me in charge. My name is…Ack.
ALAN: (Confused) Ack?
LA RUE: Not Ack. A-a-a-ck.
ALAN: A-a-ack?
LA RUE: (Impatiently) Ack! Ack! Ack!
ALAN: That’s a nasty cough you have there.
LA RUE: No, no. You misunderstand me. My name is… (Points to eye) …ck!
ALAN: Oh! Ike! My name is Lieutenant Alan Wexstad of the United States Cavalry, at your service! (Comes to attention and salutes)
LA RUE: At ease. Tell me, what business do you have with the mademoiselle?
ALAN: It concerns… (Peers about to see if anyone is listening then whispers) …money.
LA RUE: (Loudly) Money!
ALAN: Yes. I carry with me the entire estate of the late Colonel Montclair. (Taps pouch on his side, attached to his belt)
LA RUE: It grieves me to hear that the colonel has passed on. Tell me, how did he meet with his demise?
ALAN: It’s rather an unusual story, I’m afraid. Colonel Montclair was sent as a sole emissary of the United States Government to a remote outpost in the Indian nations. He befriended a peaceful tribe and ingratiated himself into their society. So, he became an honorary member of the tribe. In order to be as one with the Indians who adopted him, he tried to become one with nature. In doing so, Colonel Montclair tried to dance with the wolves.
LA RUE: What happened?
ALAN: The wolves discovered he had no rhythm, so they ate him like so much dog food. There wasn’t anything left of him except for some badly chewed medals and this rather sticky picture frame. (Produces small picture frame)
LA RUE: It is a picture of Miss Polly.
ALAN: Yes. Her father carried with him until the very end. I have been ordered to take this, along with the colonel’s financial holdings, to Miss Polly…I mean, Miss Montclair.
LA RUE: Oui, now about the money…? 

Elaine Slatore as Polly Montclair

ALAN: (Gazing at picture) Just look at that face. Ever since I was sent on this mission, I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off of her. I have found myself hypnotized, transfixed, transmogrified, if you will. She has the face of an angel, don’t you think?
LA RUE: Oui. All she needs is the harp. Now about the money…
ALAN: Travelling over hill and down dale, all I could do was look at her and daydream… wonder what her voice would sound like. Would it be like a heavenly choir from on high or more like the tinkle of fine champagne in a crystal goblet?

LA RUE: (Aside) Time for the tinkle if this goes on any longer. (To ALAN) Now, about the mon…
ALAN: Gazing upon the beauteous countenance of Miss Montclair…Polly…made me burst out into song. I sang the entire journey to New Orleans. Would you like to hear?
LA RUE: Non!
ALAN: All right, I will. (Sings “Polly Wolly Doodle”)
LA RUE: A charming little ditty, Lieutenant. (Aside) I am going to heave!
ALAN: Of course, you will have the decency to keep this between the two of us.
LA RUE: Decency is my middle name.
ALAN: Really? How odd.
LA RUE: Now, for the last time, you mentioned…money?
ALAN: Yes. The late colonel left a large sum of money in the care of my commanding officer, General Horatio Barnswallow, who in turn charged me with the duty and responsibility to deliver this sum, in total, to Miss Polly…er, Miss Montclair, a sum equal to twenty two thousand dollars.
LA RUE: That is some sum!
ALAN: Not only that, but there is also a deed to one thousand acres of land in Fresno, California. (NOTE: “Fresno, California” can be changed to any maligned city in or near the area of performance)
LA RUE: Fresno? (Aside) She is better off with the money. (To ALAN) Do not worry, young man. All of that will be safe with me.
ALAN: I cannot, sir!
LA RUE: But why not? Do I not have an honest face?
ALAN: I do not doubt your honesty, sir. It is just my duty as an officer in the United States Cavalry to safeguard any trust put in me, to always strive for truth…justice…and the American way!
LA RUE: Don’t get carried away, Superboy!
ALAN: Sorry. Nonetheless, this case carrying Miss Montclair’s inheritance shall not leave my side until I can deliver it to her personally. When will she return?
LA RUE: Oh, not for a very long time. Lieutenant, I implore you, trust me.
ALAN: But I cannot. I must not. I shall not. I won’t! Now I must take my leave and seek appropriate lodging for the night. Please inform Miss Montclair of my visit. Good day, Ack. (EXITS)
LA RUE: That’s Ack! Impudent clod! So, twenty two thousand dollars, eh? And a thousand acres of land in Fresno. Well, I can always sell it. I must think… must plan…must devise a scheme…must speak in full sentences. I must have that money! It will be mine, all mine! Oh, Jacques, what a greedy guy you are. (EXITS laughing)

​Copyright 2004 by Edward Thorpe and Scott Cherney


Performance rights for LA RUE'S RETURN are $40 per performance with all script fees waived to allow theaters to copy as many as they require from a PDF after a written contract

To receive a FREE PERUSAL SCRIPT, please contact Scott Cherney at: writtenbysc@gmail.com


Hard copies of LA RUE'S RETURN are also available at https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/scottcherney

A Frog Blog

Way back in the last decade (seems like yesterday, eh?), I started sending out my melodrama scripts once again in hopes of someone, ANYONE, wanting to produce either SONG OF THE CANYON KID or LA RUE'S RETURN on their stage. Sho' nuff, luck smiled down upon me and a couple of theaters took the bait. I felt like I was on a roll and dove headlong into my role as Independent Playwright, a title I gave myself since I couldn't get my work published. Well, fooey to youey, play publishers. I'll do it myself so NYAH! (so bleedin' mature, ain't I?)

One establishment I contacted was actually named Mel O'Drama Theater located in Nashville and son of a gun if I didn't get a bite. Melanie Roady, the owner/operator/namesake of M O'D had particular interest in LA RUE, but after reading it decided it didn't fit her particular format. You see, her group specializes in interactive murder mysteries, something I would have known if I had only read the website instead of taking the name at face value. What do you want from me? If I go to Barney's Beanery, I expect to see beans on the menu, not cupcakes.

However, Mel had a proposition for me. Would I like to try my hand at one of her shows based on her outline? Oh and by the way, the main character is a frog who solves the crime.

"Why sure," I agreed. "Wait a hippity-hoppity second here...a frog? A frog frog? Is this a Muppet murder mystery? Oh, a frog man. Like a scuba diver. Nooo...a man with frog-like characteristics. Okayyyyy...."

Francois is a character created in a series of paintings by artist Jann Harrison who also resides in Nashville. Jann has conceived a whole mythology that go along with each piece she's painted. So Francois is a suave, debonair bon vivant who is, to use her words, "a man in transition".
 http://www.jannharrison.com/

I agreed to pen a script but I was under a very tight deadline and the challenge itself proving rather daunting. Murder mysteries are not my first love and red herrings do not sit well in my tummy tum tum. Then to transform this man-frog, frog-man, lily pad lover to the stage and make him palatable as a main character was just icing on the fish cake.

What prompted me to continue was that the story was set in New Orleans, the same setting for LA RUE.which is what interested the producer in the first place. I'm crazy in love with the culture an lore of  N'Awlins, so I added Mardi Gras to the storyline as well as a touch of voodoo here and some Cajun spice there.

After two and a half weeks of banging my head against the wall trying to figure out the intricacies of who killed who and with what and how , I turned in a script with two possible endings (different killers for different nights). Challenge accepted, challenge met. 

This gig led me to a follow-up the next year with Mel O'Drama, STAR TRUCK: THE WRATH OF COMIC-CON (now retitled MURDER-THE FINAL FRONTIER) Both shows have been produced by several other theater groups across the country and their subsequent successes I owe totally to Mel Roady, the one and only, a true Theater Angel.

Such is the power of networking. 

And I'm hungry for more

UPDATE: THE PERILS OF FRANCOIS has been re-named DEAD TUESDAY,  thanks to Jerri Wiseman of the StageCoach Theatre Company

DEAD TUESDAY is available at SCOTT CHERNEY'S STORE or to read a free excerpt go to my website WRITTEN BY SCOTT CHERNEY

Performance rights are available. For info, write to me : writtenbysc@gmail.com

Tell 'em Francois sent ya.

La Rue-Here, There and Everywhere

Here are but a few of the fine theater companies over the years  that have produced LA RUE'S RETURN or HOW'S A BAYOU?, the Cajun-spiced comedy melodrama written by Edward Thorpe and myself.

Let's start here with the most recent production.

Graham Regional Theatre in Graham, Texas

A charity DVD produced by Actors Studio in Baker City, OR

Reader's Theater presentation presented by Mt. Vernon Community Theatre in Mt. Vernon, MO

Co-author, best friend and proud papa Ed Thorpe outside The Great American Melodrama and Vaudeville in Oceano, CA

And where it all started, many moons before this second production at the late, lamented Palace Showboat Dinner Theatre at Pollardville in Stockton, CA. (Please ignore the crappy Pepto Bismol colored program.)

For more info about this show, please read the previous blog post; 

LA RUE'S RETURN

or contact me at: writtenbysc@gmail.com

All In

Below you will find all of the interactive murder mystery and melodrama scripts we have available for both professional and amateur theater productions including community groups, dinner shows, fundraising events, high school and college drama departments. 

MURDER MYSTERIES

DEAD TUESDAY by Scott Cherney

MELODRAMAS

LA RUE'S RETURN or HOW'S A BAYOU by Edward Thorpe and Scott Cherney

SONG OF THE CANYON KID or POEM ON THE RANGE by Scott Cherney

Performance rights for all titles are available. Royalty is $40 per performance. For more information and a FREE perusal script, contact: 

Scott Cherney 

writtenbysc@gmail.com

And please check out these three plays by Scott Cherney available through Off the Wall Plays

MURDER-THE FINAL FRONTIER-The intergalactic interactive murder mystery

LEGEND OF THE ROGUE or MASK ME NO QUESTIONS-A western comedy melodrama 

ROXANNE OF THE ISLANDS or THEY'RE PLAYING OUR SARONG-The tropical adventure comedy 

CLICK HERE FOR OFF THE WALL PLAYS

La Rue's Return or How's a Bayou?

 Time to switch gears as we head into the wonderful world of melodrama.

Evil always returns...
only this time, it has a bad French accent!

First production of LA RUE'S RETURN at Pollardville

Oh, he's back alright. Jacques La Rue, that is. He's the villain in the very first theatrical venture show written by Edward Thorpe and myself. a little melodrama called LA RUE'S RETURN or HOW'S A BAYOU?.