It's been far too long since MURDER-THE FINAL FRONTIER has hit the boards, so how about I pique your interest with another excerpt from this interactive murder mystery of mine?
Set at a sci-fi convention called Imaginacon, a tribute to the classic TV show STAR TRUCK is underway with members of the cast including LEON PORTNOY, the actor who is forever known as First Officer Mr. Spark, JEAN RODDENREEL, widow of the show's creator Dean Roddenreel and of course Captain James Tyrannosaurus Kork himself, the inimitable WILSON CHADWICK. Also appearing at the convention is the star of STAR BOARS, CARRIE FISHWICH and someone who may or may not be an alien. Convention organizer and master of ceremonies DEWEY OSGOOD inspired by actor/author/stand up comic/Nerd extraordinaire Patton Oswalt runs the show.
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| Majel Barrett Roddenberry |
In this scene JEAN RODDENREEL makes her grand entrance to Imaginacon like the grand diva she believes she is and is greeted by the about to be long-suffering DEWEY OSGOOD.
From opposite, JEAN RODDENREEL enters flamboyantly like a movie star from another era, totally out of place in this century dressed in a coat that would make the entire membership of PETA faint on sight.
JEAN: Pardon me, you with the cape.
DEWEY: Yes, ma’am, may I help you? Whoa! By the Mystical Moons of Mongo! It’s you! Jean Roddenreel! It is a pleasure to meet you!
JEAN: Please. No autographs. Besides, it would cost you.
DEWEY: I…wasn’t asking for one. How do you do? I’m Dewey Osgood. Sorry you didn’t recognize me in my costume.
JEAN: I wouldn’t recognize you in a tuxedo. Who are you supposed to be, young man?
DEWEY: Dewey Osgood? The organizer of this event?
JEAN: Doesn’t ring a bell, but I’ll take your word for it. I believe you’re the gentleman I’m supposed to
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meet, am I correct?
DEWEY: Yes. And I would know you anywhere. The great Jean Roddenreel in my presence . If you don’t mind me saying so, you look as young and smoking hot as you did as Nurse Church on STAR TRUCK.
JEAN: Yes, you may say that. (beat) Well, go ahead.
DEWEY: You look as young and smoking hot as you did as Nurse Church on STAR TRUCK.
JEAN: Oh, you’re just saying that. Thank you, Oswald.
DEWEY: Osgood.
JEAN: It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that all my needs are have been taken care of during this little soiree of yours.
DEWEY: Everything you wished has been my command.
JEAN: So you say, Durwood.
DEWEY: No, it’s Osgood. Dewey Osgood.
JEAN: It still doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the penthouse suite I requested is ready to be occupied.
DEWEY: As I mentioned to your assistant, I have reserved the second largest suite in the entire facility just for you.
JEAN: Second largest? I am second to no one, young man! Who could possibly have the penthouse suite?
DEWEY: That would be Mr. Chadwick, ma’am.
JEAN: Wilson Chadwick has my room? How dare you!
DEWEY: I apologize, Mrs. Roddenreel, but one of the major stipulations of his contract was that he has dibs the penthouse. He does in fact own this hotel.
JEAN: He what?
DEWEY: Yes, he purchased it just last year. I’m surprised you didn’t know that.
JEAN: If I knew that, I never would have agreed to attend this flea circus of yours. May I remind you of who my late husband was, Doogie?
DEWEY: No, it’s Dewey…
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| The main man himself-Gene Roddenberry |
JEAN: It doesn’t matter! What does matter is that my husband was Dean Roddenreel, creator, producer and visionary behind STAR TRUCK. He is the only one who matters! Without him, none of this would exist. This room would be empty and you would be at the Piggily Wiggly asking someone if they wanted paper or plastic! Since my husband’s untimely demise, I alone carry the torch of STAR TRUCK in his good name. No one, I repeat, no one, shall take precedence over me. Do I make myself crystal clear?
DEWEY: Mrs. Roddenreel…Jean…I have nothing but respect for you, for your husband and certainly for STAR TRUCK itself. That’s what this all about. But this is Wilson Chadwick’s first appearance at any convention…ever. Naturally, he’ll be the one everyone will want to see…
JEAN: How dare you!
DEWEY: I didn’t mean it like that. Of course everyone wants to see you. You’re Mrs. STAR TRUCK! You are royalty. And of course there’s Mr. Spark himself, Leon Portnoy who I certainly hope arrives here soon. (walkie talkie squawks, talks into it) Stevie?...Fine, Dungeonmaster, what is it?...He is! Good job. Go treat yourself to some more onion rings. (to JEAN) Leon Portnoy is in the house.
JEAN: Yes, I know. He drove me here.
DEWEY: Really? You two car pooled? That is so cool.
JEAN: If you say so. (Walkie talkie squawks again.)
DEWEY: Excuse me. (into walkie talkie)Go ahead, Dungeon…wait? What? Stevie, calm down! …Okay. I’ll be right there. (to JEAN) I have to leave. Apparently there’s a catfight at the Hello Kitty booth. I’ll be back in a flash!
MUSIC CUE: (from the Flash Gordon theme song by Queen) FLASH… AHH-AHH!
DEWEY: That was weird. (exits)
Copyright © April 2020 Scott Cherney and Off The Wall Play Publishers
MURDER-THE FINAL FRONTIER has been performed with great success from one end of the US of A to the other and are perfect for both professional and amateur theater groups.
